Have you ever thought to yourself, I am married to a ‘Star’, the life of the party, the center of attention, the prima donna? Or she’s so ‘extra’ in my kids’ vernacular, or he is so irritatingly sure of himself? …..a ‘Star’ ?
By ‘Star’ I mean someone who has… (one or any of the below attributes )
- a charisma? Or charm?
- a natural gift for leadership?
- distinguishing accomplishments ?
- a strong presence?
- a decisiveness that is so convincing?
- perhaps good looks or some other physical talent?
- but they stand out and not just to you, but to others in their profession, friendship circles or even church or organizational community.
I have been discussing with so many what it means to be the accompanying partner of the ‘Star’ and for those of you that are married to a star, I would love to hear your thoughts on that role. Cause it can be exhilarating or exhausting and sometimes both, right?
But more importantly, how do you thrive in your role is what I’m here to discuss today.
First of all,
1) Have you ever wondered what attracted you to your spouse in the first place?
2) And what made you say yes to the idea of hitching your wagon permanently?
Maybe you were star struck yourself? Maybe they swept you off your feet and there was no one else for you?
But as time goes on that star-like quality can become a real challenge for the one who is their other half.
Today I wanted to discuss the importance of being very clear on who you are if you are married to a ‘Star’.
As you are well aware, Hollywood marriages are fraught with pre-nups for a reason….the expectation to make it last is very low.
Marriage in and of itself is highly risky, but add the star factor and the risk exponentially escalates.
It is widely known that life married to a star is even more high risk than marriage between the everyday folk. But sometimes those of us in these marriages don’t always realize our part. And if we are unaware of who we married and why we married them and who we are needing to be in that marriage, then unnecessary trouble is on the way.
So for those of us married to a star here are a few tips….
- REMEMBER the original allure. Reflect on all the goodness that it begun in.
- NO BLAME – Be very careful not to fall into the blame game, self pity is crouching at your door and the state of victim and powerlessness has already begun to make it’s entrance if blame is present.
3) STRENGTHS IDENTIFIED -Do you know your own Strengths? ( I recommend Gallup’s Strengthsfinders 2.0 available on Amazon by Tom Rath)
4) VALUES CLEAR- Are you clear on your own Values? ( Free Values Clarification Exercise click here… ( I am going to find a way to put all these things on our website and I will send you the document)
- BUILD YOUR OWN VISION – be clear you haven’t evaporated into their vision so that yours does not even exist. What’s your plan?
These are just a few tips I have found invaluable to keeping my relationship with my ‘Star’ healthy and balanced and free from resentment.
Love to hear yours. Please reply to this email to let me know yours.
I am doing a research project for many of my friends who at 15-30 years of marriage are struggling, so your input is so appreciated.
To Your Success,